Another Triumvirate, From 9/28/10

Why am I afraid to leave?

It’s clear from here that there’s air.

I can see the trees rustling from the window

They dance and sway from across my room.

I see people pass by.

I see them walking, normal, bored.

It rains. It stops. The coldness pervades them.

I am trapped in this heated, sheltered space.

I don’t need this protection anymore.

I’ll never be free.

I am overheated, afraid of the cold.

But it’s not my enemy. It’s a long-forgotten friend.

He misses me. I long to see him.

I have to go, or we’ll never meet again.

Please stay.

Why is there wide-eyed fear?

You look at me.

You can’t see me.

I stare back and you shy away.

It’s no use.

Our mouths are to speak

Not to gape in horror.

If you cannot speak to me

For what reason do you smile?

I am a person, just like you.

I need the same things

Not only you need to be loved.

I am dismayed but not discouraged.

I walk away

These legs were made to move

So while I can run

You’ll never understand.

I may not be as sharp as a whip

I may not bite with this tongue.

But I can write you verses

I can meddle with your heartstrings

Your long forgotten melodies.

I’ll devastate your mind.

I’ll caress it, soft

Before I tear it apart lovingly

And savor the beauty of your agony.

But it’s not true, is it?

Are you just a bystander, then?

Do you wonder like the others?

Does your psyche lack the glue?

I am never ready.

But here we go.

3 Poems from 9/26/10

I am always standing, waiting.

But for what?

There is nothing that sings

There is nothing that cries sweet.

They stare at me.

But only at me.

I stare, but my face is blank.

I don’t know where I’m going.

And they can’t tell me.

So I keep quiet.

What nonsense I spout is naught

It is of uninterest.

I sigh and hang my heavy head.

I continue to stare.

Now, but at my feet.

They ache from standing.

I ache from yearning.

Why couldn’t it have ended long ago?

Why did I never start to finish?

Frivolous is the air.

It brings to me

Things I wish I could see.

I am blind but I can so observe.

The fragrance of peaches and blossoms

They waft toward me.

I know my friend has arrived.

I hear the slap of shoes on concrete.

Another friend has come.

I turn around but there is a fork.

What do I choose?

I cannot pick.

There is nothing I can say.

I close my eyes but only darkness.

There’s never an answer.

I can’t rely on my eyes.

They deceive me.

I love them both.

I do not wish to leave either.

I do not wish to mistake.

But they are so different.

They sing both sweet and rare.

So I remain.

Why does love destroy me so?

I never dared to lie.

I wonder about those illusions.

Those half-baked lies that run

Not in circles, about my mind.

They call to me.

They are so sweet

I let them play as they like.

I miss them at times when I’m awake.

When I’m tired, they soothe me.

Strange or apologetic.

They all love me.

As I love them.

But like love, they tear me.

They don’t mean to, but it’s true.

I’ll never be without the night terrors.

Those one-is-one-too-many lot.

There is no good without the bad.

But how much bad must we face?

I’d wait forever to forget.

8/30/10

I looked ahead furtively

I saw no dark hall

But a lit entryway that dimmed

As I stepped back.

I ran back into shadow

Eyes burning from torchlight.

I crouched and hid in a corner

Afraid to see myself,

My lonely, broken heart

Still beating intensely on my sleeve.

I stared at the cold floor

Warming itself from me

Unapologetic and free

From decision.

I try to stand but fail

As my knees creak from disuse.

I walk slowly, nursing my joints

As I shield my eyes from the illumination.

I temper myself to the immense

Excitement in the atmosphere.

<Screw making up titles. I'm not going to make up shit titles just for it's sake. It's nonsense.>

8/29/10

There was no escape so lovely

As looking into the eyes of one who felt

The Technicolor words as warm

As the sun who sighed softly.

Softly, slowly, he awoke

Into a field of luscious flowers

Who hummed as they swayed

To the sensual caress

Of changes in the rarefied air.

His eyes fluttered and shut

While he reveled in a lofty breath

Full of love and residual dreams.

So soon had he left

He had returned.

<Written for someone I love>

8/27/10

Enervate the light that corners

All the time that flows a-right.

Too much night discovers

Fireflies that crawl about

Afraid to shed their light.

All the while

I lie atop the steps

Pensive, but forgetful.

Wondering silently at perception

Shut-eyed and asleep.

Struck

There are ravens in the sky
They obscure the light from coming
But they cannot feel its warmth.
So they drop like stones
From my sheer will
Like rain they fall
Into mist they become,
Disintegrate, evaporate
Crawl back to where they've come.
They slither as snakes do
They hiss and burn;
A chronic disease.
I close my eyes and shudder.
I forget the lies
I dream the faultless memories.
I wonder what I’ve become.
I expect there to be none.
My eyes flutter, open wide.
They stare into nothing
Because this is my world
I create this torment
This everlasting pleasure,
This love-pervading world.
You may not feel my pain
But I can feel yours
And you carelessly live your life
According to their rules.
You suffer needlessly.
You close your eyes only to see black.
But I am waiting for the darkness.
It longs for me as I do it.
I crave the molten sunshine bid me closer.
It sings a song seraphic
Only resounding in mine ears.
I fling myself forward, downward, onward.
I close my eyes and
Here I come.

<Hm, I quite like coming up with names after the fact. Wrote this because re-watching The Matrix for the second time since I watched in it theaters gave me such chills that I was blissing out and going numb for the next few hours. Dedicated to Sabrina Schroeck for being my muse <3 >

Well, it seems the timestamp is three hours early. Bummer?